Life lessons. The realisation that I’m not perfect and definitely not as strong as I try to convince myself and others of being. – But also that this is ok.
I know I’m not alone when I say that I have no clue where the years have gone. I feel sometimes that I blinked and my twenties disappeared. I’m not old, far from it, but then I’m not twenty-two like I sometimes believe I am. I have responsibilities. A husband. A near four-year-old. A home.
Blogging over the last five years has been a saving grace through many troubled times. Becoming a full-time mummy for the last three and a half years, blogging became my time out. A space for myself. The opportunity to keep my mind alive.
However, I became lost pretty quickly within the world of blogging. Unsure of my direction/niche, SEO is a minefield added with no real blogging ‘friends’ to turn to. Reading blogs became my teacher and it still is but in a different way.
How I Got Here.
Blogging also became a slight downfall to me. A lack of confidence can be both boosted or squashed rather quickly within such a world. I self-doubted and still do from time to time. Instead of being my own cheerleader I became my own troll. Comparing myself to blogs and bloggers around me.
In a time where I was already a little lost after the death of both my parents, giving birth for the first time and fighting (without the prescribed tablets) depression – I began to lose my way, my mind and who I was. Chasing some dream of blogger cliches.
Another loss within my family, with an attached panic attack and reality appeared. A good ole’ shake and dose of ‘WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU!’ – I’m thirty-three years old. Not twenty-two. Yes, I have responsibilities, but who doesn’t. Mine are my future and I need to nurture them, not see them as a selfish distraction.
Personal Life Lessons I’ve Learned.
- Makeup has never really been my thing. I have no idea about brands/new releases/how to contour. That’s just me. I don’t need to allow myself to feel bad or inadequate for not knowing. I like quick and simple and that makes me feel good. I wrote about Why I’m Not A Beauty Blogger.
- Traveling the world may be some peoples wish. Of course, Santorini is very picturesque and it’s only natural to feel a bit green-eyed with envy when you see people waking up in these ‘perfect’ destinations. However, I personally feel there’s so much to see and learn about here in the UK. We have three countries at our fingertips. So much history. Granted it’ll always be our random weather that makes you wanderlust, but I intend to experience and love what we have.
- I’m not invincible. We all need downtime. Time to recharge. Time to breathe. It’s also not a sign of weakness to step away or to ask for help. Having that earlier panic attack made me realise this. I’ve made a few minor changes, with one being just ten minutes of meditation every day. I personally use the Calm app on my phone. Plus, first thing in a morning, I won’t check my phone until I’ve drunk my Ginger Tea.
- Fast fashion. I’ve been very guilty in the last three years of following trends and then regretting it. It may be ‘new in’. You may see many people rocking it. However, if it doesn’t work for you or you’re unsure, you don’t ‘have to’ buy it. It doesn’t make you a fashion failure. I’ve realised recently that I much prefer pieces of clothing that are simple, plain and versatile. This doesn’t make me boring. This is my style. It fills me with a sense of calm and harmony with myself finally knowing this.
- I’m a person of very few close friends. The friends you do everything with, who you hear from or speak to every day. I’ve lost touch with people over the years. I didn’t attend uni and job choices within a male orientated sector have meant that I’ve not forged some of the female friendships that others have. But I’d really like to. Being part of the blogging community has been a little scary, being quite female dominated, as I’m not used to it. I’ve begun to step out of my comfort zone, reach out to people and try to get to know people. I intend to continue doing this. This space is a big part of my life and it’s great to find and become friends with people that share that passion, amongst other things like: 90’s music, chick flicks, sports, eating, cake and cars. (If any of those take your fancy get in touch.)
This year will be about me. Of course my family too. But me being me – Not being who I think I need to be, or buy and like what I think I should.
We make our own perfect and we make our own happiness.